Mm, it's 2 in the morning, and I've been tossing and turning for the last hour, if not more.
I feel like my skin is burning, and my legs are exhausted from all the moving I've done in the last hour.
I'm tired, but I can't bring myself to close my eyes. Usually, the last few minutes before I set off into dreamland, is the time I actually think. Tonight, however, I think I've worked my mind a tad too much. Everytime I think I've settled a thought, it only arouses another. I'm tired, I am, but my anxiety just won't let everything go.
All my thoughts meshed together, forming a total whirlpool in my head. I keep getting sucked back into all these unnecessary situations, when what I really should be doing is dreaming about all the irrelevant shit that does not occur in daily life.
I've quite literally exhausted myself to the core. I could use a sleeping pill, and I say this out of pure desperation.
These past few nights have been sheer hell for me. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, as if I'm being violently shaken. It's not pretty, and I really do not enjoy this. To top it all off, my throat is as dry as cotton, and I'm doing nothing to even prevent the obvious signs of the flu.
Maybe all this venting is caused by a mild case of the flu. Or so I'd like to believe. I'd normally swear by chicken soup, but right now, I don't believe anything could solve whatever that's going through this twisted little thing I formerly referred to as a brain.
I feel like I could just lay down somewhere. I just need to get rid of all this shit that's been running back and forth through my mind. I don't want to move ever again, just close my eyes and not wake up for the next few days. Though I think I've already mentioned that, no harm in mentioning it again.
I honestly don't know what brought this on, but lying in bed gets me thinking, somehow. Used to be that little safe place I had, but obviously, not anymore.
I think I've become a tad paranoid. I keep looking out my windows, as if to check if someone is watching me. Not a first.
Had quite a surprising encounter with Daddy today, but I've somewhat recovered.
Been texting AmyBabaBlackSheep the whole night, as he's having girlfriend problems. Poor child. He said something that kinda struck a chord;
"I've got a lot of scandals. But I see all my friends with people to love them, like really adore their every ounce of being, and I feel lonely. I just want someone to love me, you know ? Or am I just being naive ?"
Was slightly taken aback at this, but I realised the best way to get over it, was to face it. So I pretty much poured my whole heart and soul out to him about what my take was, and I'm feeling a lil lighter. My heart goes out to you, boy, but I think we're stuck on the same sinking ship, believe it or not.
I've somehow given up on believing that everything's gonna be okay. It washed over me today that I just gave up on that aspect. It's too hard to keep hoping that something good is gonna happen after everything that's been going on lately.
God, I feel like I'm nothing but a neverevending pit of self pity. How pathetic.
Okay, screw this. Stuff a ciggie in there, and suck like your life depended on it.
It's about time I crawled under the covers and let the silence take over.

;; have you ever been alone,
in a crowded room ?