Okay, this is going to be a tad messy, so dear avid readers, piece together the points yourself. I cant be arsed to do shit anymore.

So, heartbreaker#2, text me last night, and I pretty much thought I was dreaming. My day wasn't going exactly the way I expected it to, so this just added to the frustration. Being in the state of confusion I was in, surprises like this weren't the least bit welcomed. A few months ago, I would've killed for even a text from you, but now, it infuriated me to the core. Simply because I didn't consider it fair, and I still don't. I'm not complaining, as I've got no qualms about still being friends, hard as it may seem. I know I shouldn't even be considering that you have other intentions on your mind, seeing as it was way over 4 months ago that things between us ended. But then again, after everything we went through, I never did think that I would be hearing from you again. Yes, we talk like crazy mafakkas online, but somehow we drifted apart. Somewhere in those 4 months, through my bruised eyes, and even more bruised heart, I forced myself to see just that things change, and got over you, that being the smartest decision of the year, maybe. But now and again, I cant help but wonder, if he hadnt caused that tiff, if something else would've. Yes, we fought, but it was hardly anything major. Because the next day, we both knew to expect something like a call, or a "baby, you know I love you, kan ?" Mainly because, during that 5 months, we pretty much couldn't live without each other.
But enough about you, I think i spent enough time already wondering about what would, and what could have happened between us.

Moving on.
I don't think I've ever been this unsure of anything in my life. One moment, it's this, the other, it's that. I used to think I was this indecisive thing, so much so I could hardly make decisions on my own. But things change, and so did I. I realised that I needed to stop diving head first without even considering the consequences, and how badly bruised I'd end up after. I made my decisions, and I lived with the aftermath, shitty as they may have been.
I never considered anything we did, or anything we do a mistake. Simply because it isn't, and it won't ever be in my book. But then again, going on without any protection from my tendencies to get carried away, wasn't the smartest thing I've done. Thinking I could take all this on, headfirst, was the mistake. I never gave myself a chance to heal, and you didn't give yourself a chance to heal either.
I came to this point, where I just completely stopped loving and missing anyone, or anything. Why ? Because I didn't think I could deal with all that pain again. But sometimes, I wished they would miss me, or love me without expecting anything back. But that's too much to ask, and the selfish child in me shone through. I never considered what it would be like for the other person, only thinking of myself. I promised myself after heartbreak#2 to stop letting people get to close to me, because they were always the ones who threw the knockout. But this, quite literally, felt like someone pulled the ground beneath my feet.
My head's pretty much gone crazy. Things are pretty damn screwy in there right now. I need a day to take it easy, and just chill.
Obviously, today's not the day, as I might have stated in my previous post.

Cmon, Kimmy. We're heading to kuantan. I could use a sexxgodd break.