Hello.
I don't think Ive been this repulsed since Suraj, 38yearoldstalkerpervert. Of course i don't notice the holding of hands as when i sleep, im as if dead.
Erlackapongoes.
Okay, now I'm going to start on my blab fest, bear with me, i was almost taught to sew today.
Cheer08 is almost here, Sasa's competing. When i was in form 1, i was all for cheerleading. I ate, slept and drank it in like every other girl i knew. form2 and 3, i got over that phase, and started hanging around what they called themselves, 'The Thurzdayhz.' Long story short, i got in touch with the rougharoundtheedges, paranoid, selfmedicator in me. It wasn't the prettiest phase i went through, but it wasn't the worst either, cos in that time i found out so much about myself
and the fighter inside me. And i found Naomi, who made high school so much easier to put up with. I'm still going through that psycho bitch phase, but it seems to be wearing off, which makes me wonder what phase I'm climbing to now. Goddammit.
I'm usually so hands on about everything, i noticed that because i handled all the shit Ive been through so much better than alot of people i know. Everything Ive been through wouldve turned your normal 15yearold crazy and maybe even earn them a trip to the bottom of a few dozen bottles. Ive been there before, not once or twice, but a few times already. But all these things have actually helped me, its made me stronger, and believe it or not, a better person. I'm beginning to uncloud my judgement.
I think youre the third person Ive gotta thank for this. Besides Naomi and mum. After you, i changed completely. You made me realise and embrace so many things, without even fearing the worse. At the same time, you made me feel so comfortable, lightheaded.. happy. Its you babe, all you.
Now that you've been made victim to my 15yearold hormonecrazed, overemotional social trash rantsandraves, I'll start on something else.
I pulled a muscle in my back a few days ago, in my sleep. Don't ask me how, cos I'm still trying to figure out. Woke up with this sharp pain in my back, so much so i could barely walk without wincing in pain. Now Ive got this medicated plaster on my back, which threatens to peel off my skin every time i need to change it. Sacre bloody bleu.
We had the most annoying 6yearold known to humanity staying with us. Mums colleagues daughter. Mum just had to be nice and take her in. Ergh, That child is so spoilt and inquisitive. I don't think Ive ever wanted to hit someone till their unconscious, until of course, i met this kid. Dear god, i almost threw her out my window when i walked into my room after my shower to find her sitting at my laptop, mindlessly hitting buttons. Her rents really need to work on having another kid, divorced or not.
I write alot cos i use it to fill the void that's been building inside me, for some reason I know nothing about. I just love seeing my thoughts come to life, literally in black and white.
Right now, everything seems irrelevant, insignificant. Not to the point of complete indifference, but pretty damn close. I'm in a daze, like everything i do just flies past my head. I can barely carry a decent conversation without falling all over myself, or getting distracted. I used to speak with such confidence that even in a crowd of 20,000 people, if i concentrated hard enough and talk to myself, the bodies slowly disappeared. Somewhere along the line, I think a big part of me just gave up and crawled into oblivion, waving that white flag. I think it was that part, that i left with you.

; && people keep telling me that Ive wasted my life on all those irrelevant things, but maybe, just maybe, i should've been wasting it away with you, with you.