Friday, February 27, 2009

"I think I'll just nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Cos as we hear in health class, being pregnant could lead to an infant..."

Holy fuck, I want a hamburger phone.
You're an ugly whore. (:
I just heard the perfect song. (:

Her hair is Harlowe gold,
Her lips sweet surprise,
Her hands are never cold,
She's got Bette Davis eyes,
She'll turn her music on you,
You won't have to think twice,
She's pure as New York snow,
She got Bette Davis eyes.

And she'll tease you,
She'll unease you,
All the better just to please you,
She's precocious and she knows just,
What it takes to make a pro blush,
She got Greta Garbo stand off sighs,
She's got Bette Davis eyes.

She'll let you take her home,
It whets her appetite,
She'll lay you on her throne,
She got Bette Davis eyes,
She'll take a tumble on you,
Roll you like you were dice,
Until you come out blue,
She's got Bette Davis eyes.

She'll expose you, when she snows you,
Off your feet with the crumbs she throws you,
She's ferocious and she knows just,
What it takes to make a pro blush,
All the boys think she's a spy,
She's got Bette Davis eyes.

And she'll tease you,
She'll unease you,
All the better just to please ya,
She's precocious, and she knows just,
What it takes to make a pro blush,
All the boys think she's a spy,
She's got Bette Davis eyes.

She'll tease you,
She'll unease you,
Just to please ya,
She's got Bette Davis eyes,
She'll expose you, when she snows you,
She knows ya,
She's got Bette Davis eyes
.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I know that everyone's opinion on Sunburst is that it's gonna suck.
But in my humble but right opinion, the world will be in order if The Maine perform.
Although I've been listening to them for ages, I've been listening to them more frequently recently, and falling in love with John O' Callaghan.

Freaking godsend, I kid you not. (:
He's beautiful beyond comprehension.

Monday, February 23, 2009

I've spent the last few days soul searching, and going deeper than I thought I ever could.
Being up till the wee hours of the morn because of my slightly altered sleeping pattern has done me real good.
For the past couple of months, I've been saying that there's something vital missing, and I've spent what follows of that statement, trying to find out and looking anywhere for it, trying to figure what exactly what it was.
And then I realised, walking around aimlessly at 4 in the morning, with the stillness as my only companion, that it wasn't something that was missing. It was just thing huge part of me that I closed off from the world, from everyone.
I built up this wall, not to keep people out, but to see who cared enough to climb over. And of course, nobody did.
Then I figured out that none of that mattered, because when I put that wall up, not only did I block the world out, but also myself.
Funny how that works, no ?
The never ending cycle of events that occured over the course of the past few years, left me with questions in the back of my mind, all of which I left unanswered due to my indifference, exhaustion and probably fear. Yes, definitely fear.
So after everything, I decided, enough of putting myself out on the line for anybody, I've had enough of trying to make everything okay again, when in simple terms, everything is beyond repair.
I finally decided to answer those questions, sitting in the rain at 4am.
It took everything out of me, but accepting that I need to move on, and figure out where to put myself, I jumped in, headfirst, with nothing but my memories. Cos I believe it's truly pointless in just getting your toes wet.
But, my memories will soon fade, much to my discomfort, and I know I'm going to end up feeling like I have no past, people forget and so do I.
Letting go has never been a simple task for me, I have never been the type to let go easily, awkward and painful as they might be, as they give me something to remind myself. They remind me that I can feel all of this, and the mortality of it all makes it beautifully bittersweet.
My inability to get my head out of the clouds most of the time, doesn't exactly make reality a pretty place. After everything I've been through, the real world vulgarity still manages to seep into my veins like heroin, and gets to my head, deflating my thoughts of there ever being a means of escape. But then again, being numb is no fun anymore.
There is this huge part of me, that is unwilling for anything to fuck up. And there's this small part of me, a part that I find growing slightly bigger everyday, that wants everything to crash and burn, just so I'll have that reminder. So I'll have that feeling of being invincible for a little while.
That knowing that there's nothing more that can affect me for that brief period.
I'd love to feel something different, something to wake me up. I haven't had anything, or anyone do this for me in a long time.
Now, the last question I answered for myself, didn't seem like a hard one at all once I read it.
Till it got me thinking.
"Should I give up the search ?"
After hours of pondering, I decided the answer is no.
Why ?
Because if I gave up on the search, there would be nothing to keep me from spiraling out of control. More than I already have.
Eventhough this particular search, could lead to the worst downfall I will ever experience, it could also lead to that part of me that I've been looking for.
And if it doesn't, well then, I'll just have to rethink my answer.
Simple as that.
In my head, everything seems so complex, when it really isn't in black and white.
Laying it all down makes me feel like I've accmplished something great, and small as it may seem, it's welcomed by me.
What I'm getting at is, I'm tired of being numb.
And I do believe after over a year of just not caring, it's about time I started feeling something but indifference. Little by little, I'm going to be taking that wall down, with no help from anyone else, simply because I don't want any.
I'm unfolding myself, and while I'm doing this, I'm showing myself to you.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

You're so fucking stupid.
Just because you think that way,
and just because the people you know are fucked up,
does not mean its the same for me.

So a big fuck you, right in your face.
I'm so sick of you.
Go fucking choke on cyanide.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

You know my family has a history of obese dogs.. and people.
But.. I've got the awesomest dog ever, besides Duchess. Who is still obese, but was stolen by that stupid fat man we call Daddy. Haha, joke.
The previous owners were the biggest douche bags on the face of the universe, and now he's stuck with a pathetic name; Girshwen.
My god, if I knew them, I would've hit them with a bargepole.
But still, Happy happy fat dog. (:

Friday, February 20, 2009

The funniest thing just happened.

Sam was hitting me with the pillow, then the pillow flew out the window, and it is now sitting in a tree.
Holy jesus, I'm peeing myself with laughter.
Hi Firdy.
You lieded to me.
But I still love you like a fatkid loves cake.
(:

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hmm.

If one of those fluffy things is called a pompom, are two of those fluffy things called pompompompoms ?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Everything about life seems so much better when you're not wearing pants. (:

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

That Alfie kid is so cuuute.
Eventhough he's a dad. :/

Wow.
And Momma thinks it's bad that I smoke.
English kids are freakishly productive.
Now them kids can get jobs ! :D
Talking to Kimmy lastnight really made things better for me.

Spent over an hour on the phone to the girl before her phone went apeshit.
I've totally missed spending hours upon hours just sitting around, and catching up.
I adore how talking to Kimmy makes me open my eyes, and realise so much.
No matter what, babes. I'm always here for you.
And I know whatever decision you make will be the right one, and I've always got your back, dont forget that.

You're one of the most important people in my life, and the fact that I don't see you often enough, is total shit, cos eventhough you don't know it, you're pretty much my backbone.
You're loved, babe. Really really. (:

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I'm starting to think I should glue my feet to the ground.
Like a did sometime ago.
Wasn't the smartest move, but hell was that fun shit.

Why, you may ask ?
Simply cos the world is round. Or spherical.
Whatever.

Almost sat on the straightening iron in Momma's room, not cool bitch.

I've decided to talk about my resolutions.
Every year for the past three years, I've had the same resolutions.
Stop smoking.
Watch more of the Simpsons.
And run around naked more often.

Two of which have been accomplished.
The smoking thing ?
Not so much.
Think permanent lung damage.
On the bright side, I haven't killed anyone, or anything with my atrocious driving.
*does it borat style* great success !

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ahh fuck, I love Martin Johnson.
Ah, Vday. Or more appropriately known as Single Awareness Day.
I think thats pretty fitting.
I guess those little teddy bears make people happy, for some deranged reason.
As I say this, the two thoughts going through my head are that there's some sort of bug hiding in your roses.
Or that you choke during dinner, and spit up all over your date. :D

Spent the day fixing up the car with Mama, and watching Sa at ISKL.

Was up till 2ish, talking to Madaan, who is my Rant Casey.
Hello, future boyfriend ?

Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm home alone, and I'm going to die.
Joy unbounded, where's the love at ?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Mon & I.
But whats new.

"AN. ELEVEN. YEAR. OLD. GIRL. JUST. WON. ONE. MILLION. US. DOLLARS. THAT STUPID HOEBAG."
"MY MUMS WATCHING IT !"
"Holy shitcakes."
"Manda, you just called an eleven year old a hoebag."
"So ?"
Sometimes, I dont know what to do with myself.
I'm so bored, I might just slit my wrists.

On another note, I totalleh kicked bum at teaching myself how to drive.
Decided to pull a totalleh Malaysian move, and park in the middle of the road, and call someone.
SYADIL. Was kinda freaking out after awhile, so decided I should probably get someone who knows what their doing to teach me. Texted Josh too, but figured he'd be in college, which I later found out, he had skipped halfday, to go to AC.
Yea, productive people, no kidding.
But since I am such a loser, I restricted myself to just driving around in circles, in the carpark. And I fucking rock at parking.
Somewhat, anyways.
What would I know, right.
Fascist bashhturds.

And since Sa has spare keys, it's gonna be a shitload of fun. (:
I'm going to officially teach myself how to drive everyday now.
I think I earned myself a pat on the head.
But Dy and Ma weren't as please as I was, so..

Well, I'm going to go do something productive.
Like, talk to Joe about SB !

p/s : kay, lets pretend that I actually do care. my god, could your head get any bigger ? The things you say, so contradictive. Very apparent, that your little world, if you could even call it that, revolves around what happened. I'd tell you to start using your brains, but that would be seemingly inpossible, and somewhat challenging for you, as your IQ would, frankly put, match up to your shoe size, if that. Howre youre completely unaware of the fact that people just dont give a shit about LITTLE people like you, is disappointing, but exactly like you.
edit//
Why am I not surprised, that you pulled such a classic stupid move ?
Hahahaha, really la, girl, you make me laugh.
Change everything to make it seem like you're in the right.
Okay, keep playing your game, eventhough you're already, very apparently losing. (;

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

OH, LOOK WHAT I LEARNED !
"Whiners are wieners !"
HAHAHAHA.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I taught myself to kinda drive today.
Proud of me, or what ?
HAHAHA. I just went in and out of the parking bay.
I'm such a loser. (:
But I'm totalleh doing that shit again.
Only, you know.. in a much bigger area, and with me, not giggling so much.

And I convinced Josh to SHAVE today, cos he had a weasel under his nose.
Ah, so cuuute, he is. (;

I'm currently listening to Al Green.
Mm, soothing my soul, baybee.
I kid you not.

I finally got myself a bolster, after Momma threw away my old one.
Oh big whoop,it was all broken, yadda yadda. ):

Chello,
I misseded youu.
149,370 People



Holy shitcakes.
I killed them !

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.
I swear, someone could come up to me and attempt to to stick a grenade in my mouth, I would still be ecstatic, and pissing my pants.
You know why ?
You know why ?
You know why ?
You wanna know why ?

COS I GOT SUNBURST TICKETS, BEEYOTCH.
You know how orgasmic-ly awesome that is ?
Cos I do.

Okay, so this year's lineup aint as good as lastyears, but lets be realistic, puhreety much nothing can top Incubus. (:
Am totalleh looking forward to seeing Joe again, though.
Oh oh, Sa & I are gonna be on our own ! (:

I'm PMS-ing like a bitch, I tell you.
But, on the bright side, I'm watching Alvin & The Chipmunks.
So cuuuuute. (:

p/s : I am so over all this.
pp / s : I'm killing myself for a dog. I waaaant one so bad. I miss my big baby laa.
ppp / s : No, I dont do Valentines. (:

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Fuck you.
I am so sick and tired of all your fucking bullshit.
Of how you throw your shit in my face.
Youre having a bad day, go fucking break your knuckles against the wall.
Newsflash, I am not your fucking wall.
I fucking hate you making comments about how I 'patronize' you, when all I do is ask.
It is common courtesy.
Keep screaming, scream till your throat fucking bleeds, I just dont give a fuck anymore.

Everytime, I feel like slitting my throat, just so I dont have to fucking listen to you.
This, all of this, has got to fucking stop.
Before I lose my fucking mind.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I'm plonked infrontve the tv watching some Indonesian shit drama, losing all feeling of my bum.
Amazing right ?
Have you seen my bum ?
It is HUUUGE, mafakka.

Okay, hi.
Indecencies aside.
I'm totalleh looking forward to the long weekend, which by my rules, are going to consist of pretty much nothing, but sleeping.
Come to think of it, I could totalleh go to sleep right now, but I am beside myself with hunger, result of not consuming anything proper since day before yesterday.
EAT MANDA, EAT. Goddammit.

I have missed going gila on the back of Kane's motorbike.
Have you ever been on the back of a bike ?
Fuun, bitch, fuuun.

I have nothing to blog about.
I command all of you to go bore yourself with something else :D

And I think I got a marriage proposal.
Ugh, whatevs.
I'm so over boys.
Lets find me a girlfriend, baybee.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I realised how much I hate guys who leave the toilet seat up.
How weird, right ?
Once they shove religion in your face, society doesn't have the balls to look past that.

Hii.
Wow, blogging no longer feels like something I wanna do. It feels like an obligation.
But it's prolly cos I'm just so damn tired.
And my toes are numb. Fabulous.
HAHAH.

Been texting Arai everyday, just cos I miss him (:
Getting in touch with the people who had fallen off the face of the universe (not that I helped much, with my shitty skills and keeping intouch), is funn. (:

Being on the field everyday, has not as such helped my skin much.
I am now as dark as night, joy unbounded.

Saw Kaney yesterday (and yes, I totalleh nicked his watch again).
He told me to stop disappearing.
I admittedly have lots a few kgs since the new year, but nothing I'm happy with yet.
So, sorry honey. (;

I miss Ash laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Hesh. ):

p/s : holy shitcakes, you are repulsively pathetic ! (:

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Holy Jesus, I am so fucking tired.
And I'm black.
Slightly overdue.

Happy birthday,
Mohammad Al-Araff Zahil Shah.

youre amazing and I adore you.


On another hand it's almost 3am, and I've kinda just woken up.
Fuck me.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Nur Adzwan bin Zainuddin
&&
Ahmad Haikal bin Ahmad Nasar.


Heeheee. Puas da ?
Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in awhile.

After bumming at Kannas with my boys, I came home and bummed till it was time to go to church. I've always hated 5.30mass, but Sa was reading. Got a text from Ash, literally after being seated for 5minutes, cos (surprisingly) she was in church too. Sam and I had like, a furious case of the giggles, which kept us choking back laughter all throughout mass, even when Sa was reading, which led Ash to text me, saying :
"Stop laughing at her, bitch."
Which almost made me pee my pants. Saw Ash after mass, and threw my arms around my little oompa looma.
(I am still totally serious. So how, beautiful ? Wanna date me ?
And no, I have no shame. Loveyoulah.)

In the car on the way home, Lewis calls, telling me he's coming over. Had actually planned on seeing him earlier in the week, but plans fuckedup. He was over by 7.
Lay in bed and talked. The last time I saw him, it was still slightly awkward, but was totally at ease lying next to him. I missed him so much, it actually hurt. Barely even realised that we'd been in bed for over 2hours, till Momma knocked on my door. Walked him down, and in the middle of the road, the boy picked me up. I loved how it felt like we were in our own world again.
I love you, Lew. (:

p/s : "I love closing my eyes, and knowing youll be there when I open them. You dont know how many times I closed my eyes and you were there, and when I opened my eyes, you were gone."
Funny how a few months ago, that would've meant something to me. But not anymore.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Keith Jason Pinto & Eric Noel Hendroff.
Fuck, I love my boys. (:
Bumming in Kannas after class with the boys.
Sat at Kannas for over 2hours, just catching up.
I didnt realise how much I missed these kids. (:


When I came home, Sa though it'd be funny to lock Sam and I on her balcony, and call us her 'pets.'
Lovely isnt she ?
Loveyoulah.
<3