So, I've got this knot in the pit of my belly.
And it's not the good kind.
I'm fucking confused, and I don't appreciate feeling like this.
My head's a total mess right now, and I'm so not liking it. My only consolation right now is my box of Winstons, and those are bound to run out at the rate I'm going.
Have not as such been a bum these past few days as things have been pretty crazy. Pulling myself out of that whole flip-the-channel-as-the-only-exercise-I-get phase is not an easy task. But I'm learning to cope with all the chaos little by little.
Been going crazy listening to all my new music, I swear to fucking god. They put all my previous playlist tracks to shame, and that's definitely saying something.
I am completely broke, like foreal. I haven't got a single dollar to my name. I think I need to quit the puffing as it's taken alot out of my wallet these past few days.
My boobs grew. Random, yes. But randomly today, Sa pulled out a measuring tape and started measuring everyones boobies. Sa's reaching a whopping 41. But I'm not surprised really, those things have a mind of their bloody own. Am fucking irritated at the prospect of these babies growing as I can't be bothered to look after them anymore. Too much work I tell you. Haha.

Mmkay, I've been feeling extremely blah these past few days, hardly any inspiration been coming my way, and I think it's absolute shit. I have completely lost interest, based on the fact that not many people have been honest with me lately.
I have completely lost interest in what has been going on, and what needs to be done. My mind has gone on vacation, somewhere far away to get rid of all this pent up frustration that I am tired of carrying. Selfish as it sounds, I honestly wouldn't give two flying fucks if someone collapsed right infront of me. No, I am not PMS-ing, though I would very much like to believe and hide behind my womanhood, I can't. Why ? Because I know there is a whole lot more going on underneath the surface that even I don't know about yet. It's frustrating as hell, but I really can't be bothered to go soulsearching.
I know I deserve a whole lot better than the shit I've been put through lately, but it's like, I somehow stopped caring about where I end up, or where I began. What's worse is, I can't even bring myself to write about it because there are simply no words to describe what's going on.
No, I'm not ttrying to hide from all the pain and bullshit that has been going down. It's just that I don't know if I'm ready to face it all, yet again. I'm tired of having to deal with all of this. The same cycle over and over again. I'm not willing to put myself out on the line again, and give my all, only to receive nothing, as I have in the past year. I don't even care about piecing myself back together.
Maybe I just need a break, sometime to myself without all the high decibles and confusion.
I would run, but I know deep down that no matter how far, or how fast I run, everything is gonna catch up to me, and bite me harder in the bum. And I'm not liking that realisation.
All this bullshit has been tailing me all the way, just waiting for me to make a slight blunder before slapping me in the face. Hard.
The more I try to extract myself from all this turbulence, the heavier it piles on. I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to try and cut out all the irrelevant bullshit, but somehow it just manages to sneak back in as a beginning of yet another cause of unnecessary anger.
This is utter bollocks.

;; Sometimes, I forget what to believe.
You, or the pictures I see.